Blogger Had Some Updates Since I Last Made a Post and Now I'm Disoriented

     I disappeared again. 

    I do that sometimes. 

    I hate feeling obligated to keep up with a platform that I a) don't know how to use anymore, and b) no one even follows me on. Even if they did I would still hate feeling obligated to bring them content at regular intervals when it would only be an obligation I made myself and there is no grade or money involved and I don't feel an overwhelming joy for the thing. 

    I hate feeling like I owe the internet something. 

    I love writing. 

    I should love blogging. 

    This is supposed to be my "Here is a cute and clever look at my personality for future employers" blog. 

    There is nothing fun about that. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I have to put a filter on it, and it feels inauthentic. I mean, it's not inauthentic. Everything I write here is written in the most Bridgette way possible. Except that I can't swear. And I feel like I can't talk about the things I'm really passionate about because I'm looking for a career in graphic design. Right? Well, ok, it's my blog and I can talk about whatever I want to talk about except when it's school required blogging. I still can't swear. 

    I want to talk about doll customizations. I want to talk about my ships (You've seen how many posts I made about Legolas and Gimli). I want to talk about my own personal writing. I want to tell you how much I love world building, and about Eylanda, and about Bryn and Rod, and Mina. I want to talk about my anxiety, and the things that make me mad.

    I don't want to talk about any of these things. I like to keep things to myself. I don't want to share me with you. 

    I feel like I have to. If I'm supposed to do anything ever in life I have to cut myself open and bleed over you, only for you to quirk your eyebrow and say, "What the hell is this nonsense?"

    How do I stop feeling like no one cares about what I have to say? I have a lot to say.