Resumes Don't Have an Auto-play Feature: Why Cover Letters are Important

              I’m supposed to write a cover letter for a job listing of my choice as a homework exercise. I haven’t quite worked up to it yet, because first I have to pick the job I’m fake applying to, and then I have to…you know…write it. It shouldn’t be an impossible task because I believe I have a certain amount of skill when it comes to writing, but it will take twice as much energy and brain power as this blog post here because it’s supposed to be purposeful and good and professional, or whatever.

              Not that this blog isn’t supposed to be those things, but this is supposed to be “heyo here’s my personality. Let me tell you a fun thing” and not “Hello, yes, I am uniquely qualified for this position because of xyz reasons – but interesting.”

              I can make excuses left and right about how I intended to write it yesterday but work is just so crazy right now...but I won’t. Instead, I’m going to tell you a fun thing! Yay! About cover letters! Yay?

              Cover letters have to be interesting. Cover letters are the summary in a book jacket, or the two lines under a Netflix title that make you go “What the heck?” and click on it to see an entirely different two lines to try to read them before Netflix automatically starts playing the show you weren’t quite sure you wanted to watch yet. Ok, so they aren’t exactly like that. Resumes do not have an auto-play feature. But a cover letter has to serve the purpose of getting an employer interested enough to take a peek at the resume. They have to be interested enough to bother racing against the auto-play if there was one.

              It’s kind of like if the introduction of the essay you’re writing for class had to be so good that the teacher actually wanted to read the rest of it, and if it wasn’t they would just throw the whole thing out and never talk to you again.

              …Is making terrible comparisons and analogies a skill? It should be. I don’t know if it would get me a job though. The terrible comparison in the cover letter would have to be about me and why I’m so good at things that they have to hire me.

              Ok, but how do you write a compelling introduction? Sources say: many different things. One article on Indeed.com suggests opening by expressing your enthusiasm for the company. I…actually don’t like this. Yes, be enthusiastic for them, but I personally think that should come later, and also should not be outright “I’m excited about applying here.” This is a personal opinion that comes from reading one too many bios in a playbill written by people who don’t know how to write bios. “So-and-so is excited to be cast in their first ever production!” “Suchabody is thrilled to be back on the LCT stage!” Stop. We get it. Y’all are excited. Maybe I’m just bitter and old and I don’t know how to be excited for things anymore, but it’s an over done phrase and everyone is saying they’re excited. I say I’m excited about things all the time when really I’m not, so how’s that for the confession of a lifetime [Note: potential employers read: I’m so excited for life and everything and especially to work for your company.]

              Anyway, having the cover letter be personalized towards that specific company is good business and shows dedication, so it’s not a bad idea to start with that. The article also has other ways to open that I like, so I won’t get into them here because I’ve already written 600 words just making bad analogies about cover letters. The most important things seem to be: you have to have personality, enthusiasm, state what job you want, why you’re qualified and an accomplishment to back that up all in like, four sentences or less. The personality thing is throwing me, I think. My personality is so…extra. How can I possibly convey my personality in four sentences where I’m supposed to be talking about something else, and also sound like a serious professional?

              My problem is, I think I’m hilarious. Someone else might not think that. Ok, probably everyone aside from my mom thinks that I’m not hilarious. I’ll write a cover letter that is good and professional and also the most Bridgette Cover Letter Possible, but then people will see the Bridgette part and go “Why would you do this?” and delete it.  

              Like…here. My first ideas for a cover letter if I was applying for book designer at a publishing company.

 I have been looking at books my whole life. I believe this makes me uniquely qualified for the position of Book Designer at Your Company.

              Obviously, I would then go on to say why I’m actually qualified. But, is that funny and attention grabbing or would I just get tossed in the garbage for being a joke?

              Tune in next week for a special 1^st time ever episode of: Human or Bog Mummy?

“It’s the job that’s never started as takes longest to finish.” J.R.R. Tolkien